Tuesday, August 25, 2015

"Midnight musings"

What if you want something which is not in your reach?
What if you try for it day and night and end in plight!
What if having fun some times feels like a herculean task,
What if in your own company & competition you wanna bask?

Why does a friend in need feel like a friend indeed?
What do you do when a false friend is around, to be freed?!
Why do we want to always sow the love seed?
Why is it as an after math our hearts always bleed!?

Who is the one always dancing in front of your eyes?
Who is the one who says bye and makes you cry?
Who is the one who made your heart his home..
Who is the one whom you consider the love epitome?❤ 

When is the last time you did an adventure ?
When is the last time you relished every element of nature
When did you smile and talk endlessly anything and everything?
When did you lighten your heart by saying or doing something?

How do you want your life to be?
Do you want to live and settle behind the boundaries of convenience ?
Do you want to push the limits and move the rocks and the mountains?
Do you want to live the ONE life God gifted you fully?
Or do you want to live others' life and make it a folly ?

Think think think . Think when you talk, think when u see and think when you blink.
Think till you get answers to the questions dangling in front of you before reaching the brink!
Think think think . Think before it gets too  late.
Think before you blame it all on your misfortune or fate!

PS: Sleeplessness , a fb post on introverts , some Calvin and Hobbes forward & certain random thoughts gave rise to this midnight musing 

Saturday, August 1, 2015

When Feminism makes NO SENSE !

Two or three months back I came across an image on Womens' era facebook page which read like below. I forgot to save the actual image and as I am unable to search the source image, I made one myself with the content I saw which was questionable at many levels!

 When feminism is given a miserable twist, it gives rise to thoughts like above. I understand this is directed at men who think of themselves as superior and who think they do all favors for women, but many mad women take this as a chance to bash their men for no reason. I want to analyze each and every element of this image which was shared by someone whom I know too very well and who doesn't deserve to share this image at all. This post may seem like a personal rant but I want to talk by and large to a greater mass of people! 

Let us start with the first line of the image - A lot of men act like they are doing a woman a favor by asking for her hand---I don't deny the fact that we have misogynistic men around us who think they can control past present and future of their and even others' women! But saying that A LOT of men think like that is an absolute blunder. If a lot of men thought like that, on the present day we won't have majority of working women around us whose husbands encourage them to do it and many I know, share the household duties with wife. If they can't cook they atleast try helping by cutting veggies or by being part of other household activities! If a lot of men thought like that there will be no happiness left in the total arranged (or) love marriage scenario. If a lot of men thought like that there won't be a lot of women who happily breathe the air of freedom after marriage at least among your friends and families (keep aside the stray cases here) ! I always feel such messages give rise to more men who think or want to act like that, who actually were not like that earlier.

She changes her name, changes her home, leaves her family, moves in with you, builds a home with you, --- now this is the only part of the message with which I didn’t have much issue! Thank God the words with you are used here which highlights a sense of togetherness when compared to the rest of the message. Yes, she does change her name, home, family and moves in with husband but between the lines it is reading as – She is doing all this just for his sake. I don’t deny the fact that some people get married irrespective of their wishes, some can stick to the marriage and some walk out of it. Some have badass husbands, who make the wife’s life hell but some also have devilish wives who ruin the husband’s relations with everyone else. Keeping aside the bad / good or arranged/ love marriage scenario aside, when a girl changes her name does she recollect that she acquired her dad’s name?  I am not saying it is A MUST TO CHANGE initials. How many of you change your name in passports, other  id proofs, offices or anywhere else post marriage? Everywhere the girl is addressed by her maternal name. Very less people actually change the name after wedding. Officially she is the same and it all depends on your choice, whether or not you want to embed husband’s initials to your name. Why is every sentence in this image written to sound like the girl’s life is pathetic and burdened?  She ofcourse undergoes a major transition. Who doesn’t? It is not a cake walk for a boy who becomes a husband. I have seen and heard stories of men who have broken ties with their parents/ siblings just to keep their wives satisfied and happy. They continue the marriage which has too many potholes and bumps just for the sake of the society and they also tolerate and take shit from her every day just like she does in a scenario where husband has all these qualities!

"gets pregnant for you, pregnancy changes her body, she gets fat, almost gives up in the labor room due to the unbearable pains of child birth,even the kids she delivers bear your name."

The above line is wrong at so many levels. Is pregnancy a task , a project which has to fulfilled for a certain client, who is husband in this case ? How can some one get pregnant for some one else? It is a mutual decision and should be taken up only when both have a consensus on having a baby ! It is not like, a mother scarifies for the father by bearing a baby. If she is bearing a baby only for the man then the child is the property which only he owns. I am sure this holds totally wrong if it is targeted at a phylogynistic  (non-misogynistic) person. No one will deny the pain a woman goes through in the labor room or the health issues she has to face through out her life. A mother obviously is the most important person in every one's life!  A father even if  he doesn't carry the baby in the womb, is equally attached to the kid. His emotional attachment is even unique as he doesn't have any umbilical cord connection with a kid. It is not like he Vs her here. They both have created a baby and no one is doing any one a favor. If any of them feels it is a favor then he/she clearly doesn't deserve to be a parent.

How many of you are happy / sad or neutral about getting your name from your father? If daddy is a superhero to a girl and if she is feeling proud about the traits and name she got from her father and still feels her kid bearing her husbands' name is not justified then I would ask her to drive a movement and change her name and every ones' names in her family. Anyway who is changing names these days? Keeping aside Facebook where people update their surname just to announce that they are married (even this is done ONLY if he/she is socially active), I don't see any other place where the surname and identity of a woman get changed.

My password , pan card, office email id , my name every where else is the name I am given since birth. I never gave a thought on changing it and neither did my husband. People who have liberty to decide, spreading this message is sheer idiot-ism.

Till the day she dies...everything she does, (cooking, cleaning your house, taking care of your parents, bringing up your children, earning, advising you, ensuring you can be relaxed, maintaining all family relations, everything that benefit you.....sometimes at the cost of her own health , hobbies and beauty.

A woman of course is a super power. She does what all is mentioned above .A BIG YES to it but on the present day and date , there are many career oriented women around us who share the duties with husband . Woman is very good at multi tasking and raising children comes naturally to many  but I am not comfortable with the repetitive usage of your in this content! What does it mean by your children and everything which benefits you? Is marriage not about our children and our benefits? If the debate of who is benefiting by what and who is sacrificing more starts then that marriage for sure has gone to toss! It is agreed women sacrifice their health , hobbies and desires at times to meet the demands of the house and many a times they end up sacrificing more than men. But the present generation women should question themselves (who are in 20s and 30s and are not living in a misogynistic family), if this is actually true?  I am sure many women around are educated and are working and in no way feel inferior to their spouses. These young women who have a messed up mind and demand too much self pity think that they are doing a favor to their men by just entering in their lives! All in all this post seemed to succeed in damaging the thought process of many who are absolutely leading a normal life with zero sacrifices but still imbibe too much self-pity and self-importance due to messages like these. I don’t deny the fact that men fail to understand the actual “woman” issues starting from the trials to conceive (which actually include him) , the 3 days of every month which take her to the verge of madness almost every time and the entire gestation period, labor pain and pregnancy where she has a re-birth but I cannot accept the fact that most of the men undermine women. I have come across many sensitive men in my life, in my family and among friends who respect women for what they are!!

It is not easy being a woman. It is priceless. YES . The last line of the post – “Sad that women don’t know their value,” is so darn true for some. Women who doesn’t know her value craves for self-pity, demands an unnatural high stature, thinks of herself as an expert in feminism bordering the chauvinism.
Image courtesy : here
Marriage goes to toss during the following scenarios
  • When Man Vs Woman competition is an every day thing.
  • When a man or a woman become calculative of their contribution and keep emphasizing on it frequently
  • When a Woman feels she is superior every day and craves to display her superiority as she bears her man's kid (even writing this sentence feels stupid to me).
  • When a man feels superior about his gender!
  • When marriage becomes a contest and every situation is a battle to win and to satisfy egos
  • When a man or a woman fails to appreciate the partner when situation demands and when a man or woman has demands to receive unstoppable appreciation!
  • When a man (or) woman feels his/ her spouse should feel grateful because of his/her services
  • When the basic thing called LOVE is lacking in their life
  • When an irreparable damage is done to the egos by continuous caustic words bombarded at the partner
There can be many more reasons which mar the institution of marriage but to make and nurture a marriage the four must needed elements are love ,trust, respect and joy in each other’s company! When these four elements vanish one doesn’t have a strong reason to stick to that marriage, no matter what!

Note: I have written this post based on horrifying experiences friends and family around me are having, most of them are scenarios where husbands are sensitive and tormented by the whole girl’s side battalion. Men are sensitive too and can be absolutely passionate about their partners and spend time and effort for the wife’s joy and smiles but in recent past I came across few women who don’t deserve even an ounce of that attention, who  overthink and are bothered by some psychological disorder , think too high of themselves and throw false accuses at their husbands.

I know many couples in India who are bonded only because of kids or parents or social pressures and some even have conditional agreements of not seeing parents’ faces if they have to live together. The million dollar question is- “Are they all living happily”? It takes too many guts to come out of a failed relationship and start afresh. If you are one such person who could muster enough courage, I salute you!

My post might have been vague, starting from failed feminism to a failed marriage. Today I just had to pour my heart on blog as I am seeing my loved ones go through the pain and the pain is inflicted on me too.  A better post with well-structured and articulated thoughts some other time. For now adieu  !

I end this post with the below quotes!
The great C.S. Lewis says it for all of us! Image source : here
Wise words for this week. Source : here

Saturday, May 16, 2015

"Piku" - It's all about Pee, Poo and Paa :)

It has been 3 months since I last dusted my blog and I choose poo, potty and pee as my come back topic ;) . Do not wrinkle your noses. Strangely the topic I am going to talk about is sweet , cute and heart warming.. Last Saturday I booked tickets for Piku after too many raving reviews and I must say I felt good, as I can't remember the last hindi movie which is worth my time in theater. Movies getting relayed on TV in 3months after the release and the fact that the finest print is readily available on torrent in no time, lessened my enthusiasm to go and watch every movie in theater. I am glad ,I made the decision of going to theatre to watch Piku because the fun-experience wouldn't have been half as good, if I watched it alone sitting on my couch at home!

 Story line and my Review:
Piku is a hilarious journey punctuated by too many loo breaks. We use the terms shit or pissed when we think of something disgusting but the shit or piss are projected in such a humorous manner here, that you will forget the unpleasant odors or memories associated with it and actually enjoy the Poo-dynamics. I am amused by Shoojit Sircar's  and Juhi Chaturvedi's  innovative skills. Only they can bring humor to the bodily secretions so neatly. Last time they made all of us smile broad, when they had dealt with semen & sperms in Vicky Donor. However this time the topic is much lighter as it is not something important which is coming out, still is discussed so often and is analyzed with such a high priority that it will make audience guffaw!
Image source: here
Bhaskor Banerjee's favorite topic anywhere any time is constipation and motion. He is an irritating character who can bring up the topic in an untimely manner on dining table, during a dinner date or even inform the status to his daughter Piku, when she is totally absorbed in office work. Amitabh Bachan is so befitting as Bhaskor Da . He reminds you of a common old man who is nosy, prickly, cranky, who can give stubborn responses to neighbors or pick fights and argue till he wins with maids or relatives and who is so astonishingly selfish and liberal, that he is OK if his daughter has casual sex but is not ready for her wedding as she might not be able to look after him. The director again portrays the modern and liberal thinking of Bengalis which is different from the thought process of stereotypic moms and dads who keep a tab on their kids' life’s events and happenings. The twisted views of Bhaskor on women-liberation and freedom will definitely make you laugh. His irritating, selfish demeanor slowly gets to you and you feel for the man and his emotions along with motions which he discusses with immense passion :) 

Piku- The name suits Deepika Padukone so well. It just feels like it is the shortcut of her original name - Deepika. The name adds that extra cuteness to the movie and the audience don't even feel the necessity to know the actual name of Bhaskar Banerjee's daughter Piku, as her other aspects like independent thinking and mental strength grab your attention. Piku patiently but loudly responds to his dad’s hollering and her unconditional motherly love towards him can be felt at every juncture. She is funny in her own way and is curt with her irritating 70 year old dad but still is a a loveable daughter who learns to be strong and she sure is an inspiration to all the daughters out there. At many points I felt emotional when I realized I never did my part for my parents at any point of my life till now. Deepika is at ease playing the role of Piku and not even a single time you get the whiff of artificiality in the movie!

The actual journey of Piku starts when Rana Chaudhary (played by Irrfan Khan) the owner of a taxi service company comes in between the dad - daughter duo. He drives them and their helper Bodhan, from Delhi (C.R. Park) To Kolkota. The humor quotient shoots up when Khan adds his trade mark comic skills to the movie. His quirky dialogues like for instance the telephonic conversation he has with Piku's boss and his friend- " ye baap beti to aise hi time pass karrahe hai. Mujhe to nai lagta inhe calcutta jaana bhi hai" will spice up the humour. His eyes speak more than his words and he has all your attention whenever he appears on the screen. Even if he is facing the brunt of father and daughter, he starts respecting Deepika for her patience and love towards her 70 year old Pain in the ass dad. He himself is bothered by his nagging mom and sister and looks up to Piku for what she is doing is no less than waging a war on battlefield according to him!

The story is slow and even the road trip doesn't pick up the pace but the viewer actually starts relishing the journey and the heart-heart conversations Piku and Rana have. The attention to detail skill of Shoojir Sircar is wonderful. The way Kolkota, delicious Bengali cuisine, Varanasi and Ganga ghat are projected is a treat to eyes. The chemistry between the trio is so natural and sizzling. Thanks to the director for not stressing on the romance between Piku and Rana and one cannot resist from smiling broad when Rana and Bhaskor bond over a commode and discuss the Poo-logics :) Needless to say the rest of the characters, Bodhan (the helper at home), Maushami Chatterjee ( Piku's maternal aunt) and Piku's other bua and her boss Jisshu Sengupta just blend in the story.

All in all Piku is an original, warm, fresh, quirky and a charismatic watch which will steal your heart. The ending can be predicted but it leaves the audience with warmth filled in their hearts. They can leave the theater happily humming the song- "Dheere chal na hai mushkil to jaldi hi sahi" - a song which refuses to leave my head.


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